Killer's Dream, a Crazy Death plan for his Brother
by Shin-Hana
Summary: Sasuke is driving Itachi nuts. And the young boy loves Naruto. Itachi is mad and leaves. Itachi, Kakashi, Jiraiya, and Naruto try to get reveange. Kakashi is forced to, though. Lots of craziness. Do they succeed? Will Sasuke or Itachi die? No yaoi. A bit.
1. NOT NOW!

Shin-Hana: This is for my friends b-day. It's a very late b-day gift. Gomen na san! Gomen!

Disclaimer: Me no own NA-RU-TO! .

Chpt 1:** Not now!**

.:snores:. .:bang:.

"Memme? SA-KE, I'm sleeping. Goes 'way!" mumbled Itachi.

"No! I'm going to bug you until you help me train! Just like you promise!" Sasuke demanded.

"Mater!"

.:poke, scream, wack:.

"I'm up! I'm up! I'm up!"

"Lets goooooooo," Sasuke grinned."

Sasuke quickly dressed the sleepy Itachi and shoved a piece of toast in his mouth and dragged the older boy out the door. And Itachi went to help his brother train. Against his will.

_'Hmm. I think I'll annoy him triple the times I normally do!' Sasuke_ schemed.

Itachi didn't want to train today. He was planning on trying to be "_normal_" and live a "_normal_" lifestyle. And find an apartment. So he wouldn't have to live with his brother. Training went on normally, how it is always on Sunday mornings. Sasuke pulls Itachi out of bed at three in the morning. Very slow and loud. Real loud! Sasuke would yell at Itachi when he finds he man sleeping upside down in a tree during training.

_'I need to find a new tree,'_ Itachi thought quietly.

_'Kami-sama! If I find him sleeping again, I'm going to cut that goddamn pony tail of his!'_ Sasuke planned

"SA-SU-KE! I'll hide now and you try to hunt me down. Okay?" suggested Itachi.

"Okay!" Sasuke smiled.

He was happy that Itachi was "_starting_" to wake up. And Itachi went to hide.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Shin-Hana: I know... short chpt. But in my lil' book it seems longer. Oh well. Wait for the next chappies! .


	2. NOOO!

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto. I just own most of the ideas of this fanfic. The other ideas are my best friends.

Shin-Hana: Thank you to all those who reviewed my first chappie! . I'm sorry for writing short chpts. I'll try to write more in all the chpts!

**Chpt 2: Nooo!**

Sasuke got mad, annoyed, and pissed! Itachi wasn't even in the training ground. Sasuke used that disappearing jutsu Kakashi uses and poofed back to the Uchiha mansion. And marched up to Itachi's room. Itachi wasn't sleeping on his bed. The light in his bathroom was on and Itachi was singing. It sounded like he was really out of tune. And he was! Sasuke then took out a recorder and recorded Itachi singing. It sounded like Lover Boy from L'arcenCiel. (A/N: That band is awesome! It's in Romaji form not Kanji or English.)

"Atsuku me wo samashite kimi to ajiwaiaou

Dream on till night, be sailin' on your life

tonight, want your blood..."

_'God, this might be a while. .:Itachi continues singing:. Ah, but I can now blackmail him!'_ Sasuke beamed. (A/N: I'm just gonna skip to the sixth verse. I have my reasons.)

"Tonight, shaking!

Tonight, looking for the blood!..."

Sasuke now planned on flushing the toilet so only cold water would run. That's what Itachi gets for ditching Sasuke.

"Sorou kokyuu kara Ima sora made yuku yo

Kowa hodo ni cause I'm a lover boy

Yasashiku sasoidashite kimi no oku e yukou

Subete ageyou I'm a lover boy"

(A/N: That was the eighth verse and the last of the song.)

Sasuke quickly flushed the toilet. .:Flush:. Cold water poured onto the naked and showering Itachi. (A/N: Heh heh. Drool people drool...)

"Ahh! Kami-sama! Sasuke you gay queer! Leave me the hell alone!"

"Heh heh. You lied at the training grounds. You shall pay! Watch!"

"No duh. I'm a wanted criminal. Well, I _was_ an S-class criminal. And can't help with the old habits. I'd still lie if I weren't an S-class criminal. Because I have a brother who loves Naruto. Now get lost you gay queer!"

Sasuke flushed the toilet again and slammed the door as he left the room.

_'Bastard,'_ Itachi grumbled in his head.

Something was off that night. Things were way too quiet. When morning came, Sasuke didn't bug Itachi at Three in the morning like always. Itachi woke up at ten o'clock in the morning and took a shower then had brunch. His hair felt...odd. Lighter in fact. And it wasn't swinging like usual. He quickly went to his bathroom mirror to check.

"Oh my kami-sama! M-M-My hair! My ponytail! Nooo! I've now lost my trademark look! Why? .:cries:. It must've been Sasuke!" Itachi concluded simply.

It took a while for him to get over his lost ponytail but he has bigger fish to fry. (A/N:Hmm...I wonder what kind of fish he's going to fry. I like fried fish! .) Revenge (A/N:Damn!)! Itachi did a few plans in less than thirty minutes. About one hundred fifty to be exact. But sadly, only three of them are aloud too used in this "T" rated (A/N:Too bad! XD) fanfic!

Some were impossible in the Naruto world but possible in reality. A few just involved Sasuke being hanged, continuously. Manu had him being raped by many fan girls. But he would just enjoy it. Right? So Itachi had to go with slow torture (both mental and physical), pranks (that's where the fox boy comes in), embarrassment, and soon to be death. Itachi also planned on asking Lee to help with the slow torture. But then remembered that doing that might be too dangerous for him. So Naruto could help with that. And Kakashi and Jiraiya to help with...embarrassment!

_'Hmm. That'd be fun to watch!'_ chuckled Itachi quietly.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Shin-Hana: I'll try to update as much as I can. Right now I'm writing chpt 6 of it. And I'm not even close to the middle yet! I might get lazy and write other ones. Or type some up. Meh. That's up to me. R&R please! .

Sasuke:Lazy bum...

Shin-Hana: I'll kill you! You...gay queer! And how'd you get my room?

.:Sasuke jumps out the window:.

Shin-Hana:...bastard...


	3. Moving out Seeya bro!

Shin-Hana: Strangely, during the writing process, I thought this fic would go up to 15 chappies. But it might end faster than I thought. Doesn't matter I'm writing chapter 7 right now.

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto. I'm getting tired of writing these for every chapter. Oh well, that's life.

Chpt:3: **Moving out. Seeya bro'!**

.:tip:.

.:sighs:.

"Finally, I'm out of that mad house. Now, a place to stay," Itachi pondered.

.:bump:.

"Owie! Oh, it's you Itachi, "grumbled Naruto while rubbing the bump on his head.

Itachi helped Naruto up and the two went to get some ramen.

"You seem mad today, Naruto," Itachi started (A/N: I changed Itachi a bit. lol).

"It's your goddamn brother! I think he's really...G-A-Y! When we spar, he tries to frigging rape me! Then Kakashi-sensei has to stop mine and Sakura's training because of Sasuke! And send us home! So we missed a whole bunch of training 'cause of your brother!"

"Now that you mentioned it. While I was finishing doing his laundry a week ago, and was going to leave the neatly folded clothing in his room. As I went in, He had pictures and _posters_ of you. **_E-V-E-R-Y-W-H-E-R-E!_**"

"Oh kami-sama! Why me! Wait, why are you telling me this? And why are _you_ worrying about me?"

"Oh, I have a favor to ask of you. .:smiles that evil Itachi smile:."

".:squints:. I thought so! So, what is it? .:squints some more:."

".:on his knees and begging:. I just left the Uchiha mansion and was wondering if I could stay at your place. .:begs some more:. Chyoudai! (Please)!"

"Hmmm. If you do, your gonna be eating a lot of ramen. And your going to hear a lot of snoring!" grinned Naruto.

"So I can live with you? YAY!"

"But I don't know if there is enough closet space for you."

"Don't worry. Because I got about twenty sets of clothing! Okay, sounds a lot but that's all of my clothing. And they only take up a bit of space. About the size of this suit case! (A/N: The suit case is the size of those office people with those suit cases! I know. It's small.)

"Wahhh! That's so small! How'd you make it fit?"

".:really evil look:. I make things fit if I have too. .:evil grin, the one where he's about to kill:."

Naruto didn't bother to ask anymore about that suit case because Itachi might go _crazy_...again. So Naruto took him back to his apartment. This is now their apartment.

"I can sleep on the couch."

"Okay then."

Shin-Hana: Yeah I know. So short. I just noticed something. Some of the events in my fanfics don't match when I write them. So it might take me a while to add and edit them while typing! But I'll try to live up to update goal! One fanfic or chappie each month. So more. Dunno.

Gaara: Cookie!

Shin-Hana: .:sweat drop and scared look:. ...okay...


	4. Plans: Get Kakashi and Jiraiya!

Disclaimer: So...do I own Naruto? .:Kakashi raises his hand:.

Kakashi: Yes!

Shin-Hana: Noo. Sasuke owns him!

Kakashi: Oh...

Shin-Hana: Okay. So I think there will just be 9 or 10 chappies. Or less. I gotta start writing other ones! Or typing...I'm so lazy...T.T

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Owww! The fuck?" Naruto yelled with total confusion.

"Meh?" Itachi mumbled sheepishly.

"The hell is this? .:waves a note:. I think your brother found out where you're staying!" panicked Naruto.

"What's the note say? And don't worry. I'll set up traps."

"It says:

_Dear my sweet Naruto and bastard brother,_

_I hope you like the surprise!_"

.:note goes boom in their faces:.

"That's...short."

"Yup"

"You got a plan to _kill_ Sasuke?" Naruto asked with slim hope.

"Oh yeah! I've did some research a few days ago; I will combine my three top plans! Can you ask Lee to recite that damn thing of "The Spring of Youth"? And record it!" Itachi ordered.

"If I die doing this, I'll haunt you first! Then your brother!"

"I'll take care of the other parts. You know where Kakashi and Jiraiya are?" Itachi puzzled while scratching his head.

"Jiraiya should be at some hot springs and Kakashi should be at the adult bookstores."

"Common, common, common Kakashi-san! Common, follow the bookie! Common Kakashi-san! You can do it! Good boy Kakashi! Now listen very carefully!" laughed Itachi.

Kakashi was rubbing his face against the latest Icha Icha Paradise book. So Itachi pulled the book away from the man, then paid for it (Kakashi didn't pay yet), and he lured Kakashi out the door like a dog.

"Okay, so what do you want? I was going to spend my time reading it over and over!" Kakashi pouted but failed due to the mask that covers half of his face.

"I'm getting, well; I and Naruto are getting revenge on that bastard Sasuke." Itachi explained while the two went to last hot springs in the village.

".:drool:. Aww. Common, take it off! .:drools:." Jiraiya...drooled.

"Umm. Jiraiya? Want to help me, Itachi, and Naruto humiliate Sasuke-bastard? Kakashi poked.

".:drools some more:. Maybe later. I'm busy doing research! .:drools:."

"I didn't want to do this but, I must if I gotta!" Itachi sighed.

Itachi pulled out a fishing rod and put a picture of some random girl in a bikini on the hook. He then waved the picture in front of Jiraiya's face.

"Woo! Hot chick! Come here baby!" Jiraiya blushed wildly.

"Hot chick! Where! Mine!" Kakashi smiled a rapist smile.

Itachi walked behind the two as he guided then back to his and Naruto's apartment with the picture attached to the fishing rod.

.:bang:.

"Fuck! Hot chick! Where'd you go?" Jiraiya and Kakashi searched.

"Get in and sit!" Itachi almost yelled.

The two sat while Itachi went to get them tea. Itachi came back and Kakashi and Jiraiya blushing and drooling all over Kakashi's new Icha Icha Paradise volume. Even though Jiraiya's the writer.

"Kami-sama! Do I have to use Oiroke no jutsu! Why me!" Itachi almost cried.

"Oh Jiraiya! You're so god at writing porn," Kakashi complemented.

"OIROKE NO JUTSU! (Sexy no jutsu)"

"Whoa!" Kakashi and Jiraiya wolf whistled!

.:grab:.

.:BANG:.

"Ahhhh! Hey! Don't touch me! Just listen! No touch!" panicked Itachi the now "sexy girl".

.:open:.

"What the hell? Itachi? Why are you...a girl? Kakashi? Ero-sennin?" Naruto puzzled.

Itachi was running like crazy! While Kakashi and Jiraiya ran after him. Itachi tripped over a shoe and fell face first, quickly, he released the jutsu. Only to have Kakashi and Jiraiya stumbled on top of him and started snuggling Itachi. "Wah? Hahahahaha! .:cries:. Oh Kami-sama! Hahahahaha!" Naruto laughed so hard that he fell and started to cry like a sissy.

"Get off of me or DIE you PERVERTED BASTARDS! Hey, Jiraiya! Don't grab my ass!" Itachi fumed.

"Huh? Where'd the hot chick go?" Jiraiya searched.

"I used the oiroke no jutsu! So Kakashi, get off of me and let me explain. Naruto! Stop laughing! It's not funny!" Itachi ordered.

Oh, gomen na san Itachi-san." Kakashi apologized while getting off the former Akatsuki member.

.:click:.

"What the hell? Who turned the lights off?" muttered Jiraiya.

"Listen, you two have been chosen by us to help us with a mission. A plan more of" Itachi said in a deep threatening voice.

"Yeah! You both hate Sasuke-bastard, right?" Naruto questioned menacingly.

"Yup!" Jiraiya agreed.

"Not really. He's a really good student in learning...," Kakashi got cut off Itachi. "What do you mean by _'not really'_? .:holding a handle less-kunai at Kakashi's throat:. Well?" threatened the man.

"I-I mean, I hate him! Y-Yeah." Kakashi corrected himself.

"Good, .:click:. let's get started then!" Naruto and Itachi smiled devilishly.

"Ahha! I'm not blind no more!" Jiraiya shouted. (A/N: He thought he was blind when the lights went out after a few minutes. o.O)

.:twitch:.

"Our first plan is to make Sasuke a bored as hell! And crazy!" Itachi started.

"I say we torture him! Slowly!" added Jiraiya!

"And never let it end!" laughed Kakashi!

"Already taken care of!" Itachi smiled.

"We shall begin at ten-thirty p.m. sharp!" Naruto commanded.

"So, what do we do in the mean time?" Kakashi pondered.

"I don't know.' Jiraiya replied.

"How 'bout cats cradle?" Itachi suggested.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Shin-Hana: It is confirmed! There will only be 9 chappies to this fanfic. Sad but true. I'm working on it as we speak or read in this case. The cats cradle thing was from this comic I read on the internet. Kakashi was doing cats cradle. "Naruto comics" google it. Very funny. Hmm. I feel proud yet sad. Proud because I'm almost done. Sad because this was suppose to a b-day gift for my friend, and it took 2-3 months to write. T.T Gomen na san! I feel crummy.

Itachi: Don't feel sad!

Sakura: START TYPING UP THE NEXT CHAPPIES! YOU LAZY BUM!

.:Itachi and Shin-Hana are scared shitless, and ran away:.

Sakura: ...lazy bum...


	5. Plans: Cassette Players

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto. So live with that horrible truth!

Shin-Hana: I'm now finish writing the last chappie! Yay! So Now I need to type like crazy! But I have a science project right now. So I might take a while. So sad. On with the story!

––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––

"Damn it! Naruto, Jiraiya, you guys suck at cats cradle! Naruto, how did you manage to hang yourself? And Jiraiya, how did you get your hair tangled up in the string?" the former S-class criminal scratched.

"Look Itachi! Look! I did it! I have mastered…the bridge!"

"Good job Kakashi-san!"

.:ding ding:.

"Huh? It's eleven p. m., already? ELEVEN! The plan! We must hurry!" yelled Kakashi.

Kakashi and Itachi quickly pulled the two tied up shinobi and dragged them out to the door and to the Uchiha mansion. "Magically" Jiraiya and Naruto became unstuck. No, I'm just kidding, they're still stuck. But Naruto isn't that stuck. A lot.

"Okay, Naruto and Jiraiya, you guys stay out here and keep guard. While me and Kakashi set up trap part one!" Itachi explained.

"Yeah!" they all agreed.

Itachi and Kakashi tiptoed into the Uchiha mansion. Itachi pulled out a cassette and a whole bunch more. Kakashi pulled out tape and a cassette player. The two got to work. They placed them all over the house. One to two in a room. In total, one hundred. Each one is timed to start and repeat once Sasuke enters the door. Or any heat source. And they are well hidden. Plus, the walls make sounds echo so it's undetectable (the cassette players). The two quickly ran out and waited. And waited. At about one in the morning, Sasuke had finally came home.

.:click:.

"Ahh! What the hell is this!" Sasuke screamed.

Sasuke heard Lee's voice. And he was reciting that Youth speech! And it wouldn't stop! All night Sasuke went crazy! He destroyed his room. And managed to take out two of the one hundred cassette players.

Morning

"Ahh! You son of a bitch Itachi! I'll kill you!" Sasuke yelled in frustration.

The Youth speech kept going on and on and on. Sasuke used the fire jutsu in every room. Except for his, because he already took down the two cassette players in there and he had "precious items".

Outside…

'_That's what the bastard gets for cutting my trademark ponytail!_'

"So. That's the plan?" Kakashi said dumb folded.

"Nope! Itachi has….:evil look:. Much more up his sleeve! No, I mean cloak! Yeah…cloak!" laughed Naruto menacingly.

"Okay…" Jiraiya panicked.

"Let's go back and I'll explain part two of the plan. And what we'll need,' Itachi stated while bringing the still tangled Naruto and Jiraiya back to his and Naruto's apartment.

"Itachi, I think you'll have to get the scissor of doom!" Naruto sighed.

scissor of doom: Itachi and Naruto were busy cutting out random pictures in a magazine and stumbled upon a really big scissor. Lets say, that scissor is _alive_. And cut Itachi's Naruto's clothing to bits.

"You sure?"

"Yeah… .:sighs:."

"The scissor of doom? What's that," Kakashi and Jiraiya mystified.

Back at the apartment

.:growl, scratch, bang:.

"Bad scissor! .:whacks with newspaper roll:. Bad scissor of doom!" Itachi yelled.

–––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––-

Shin-Hana: That's the 5th chappie. I think I'll give you a bit of the next chappie. The begging of it. Yeah!

Sakura: Start typing now!

Chpt 6:

"Holy shit! That scissor is alive! And it's…your pet?" Jiraiya stared.

"Well, not really. Without the collar and leash. It will go and cut everyone's fingers off! Then their body parts!" explained the Kitsune.

Shin-Hana: That's all I'm gonna give you. Ohhhhh I'll try to upload 1 chappie each time I get to go on my comp. So I can finish this fanfic. Other than that, I'm gonna stick to my usual plan. 1-2 fanfics a month! Yeah!

Sakura: Just frigging type up the next chappies. .:sighs:.


	6. Plans: Scissor of Doom! part 1

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto. Maybe his soul…heh heh heh.

Shin-Hana: Chappie 6. That's all I got to say…

––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––-

"Holy shit! That scissor is alive! And it's…your pet?" Jiraiya stared.

"Well, not really. Without the collar and leash. It will go and cut everyone's fingers off! Then their body parts!" explained the Kitsune.

"Hold still." Itachi ordered.

"Grr. Nack Nack! Grr. Cut!" the scissor growled.

Itachi carefully guided the scissor to cut the string. And only the string. He tried it first with Naruto. And things worked out perfectly fine. But when cutting the string off Jiraiya. Things went…crazy!

"Grr. Me nack kill nack you nack! Cut nack!"

"What the fuck? Itachi! No! It talked!" Jiraiya panicked.

"Don't worry," Itachi comforted.

Itachi put the scissor to the string in Jiraiya's hair.

.:snip:.

Itachi managed to cut the first string.

'_Oh gods above. Don't let me die_' prayed the sannin.

.:snip, sing, snap:.

"Ahh! Too close to the ear!" Jiraiya yelled like a wussy.

.:snip:.

Itachi had slip, one of the handles was now free. The scissor began to snip and cut like crazy! Not only did it cut the string away, but most of Jiraiya's hair, and clothing. Jiraiya now has little bits of hair. Not his normal long white hair. It looked like a squirrel's tail that got run over by a car a few times. You've seen it, right? You could see tail and barely any fur! Or if a dog has flees! Well, you get the picture. That's what Jiraiya looked like!

Jiraiya looked on the floor and yelled at the top of his fifty year old lungs, "Oh my fucking god! I prayed I wouldn't die but gods make me lose my precious hair and a set of my clothing! What the fuck is wrong with you? Having lost all my this .:holds up the cut hair:. Is like dying! Gahhh!"

"What is wrong with Jiraiya?" Kakashi and Itachi blinked.

"If he has a bad feeling that something would happen. He would pray to the gods. And if the gods _failed_ to help him. He throws a tantrum." Naruto replied.

"How long do they last?" Itachi asked.

"Depends on the situation. Judging by this. I'd say a week. During that time stay at least two meters away from him." Naruto answered.

"Yay! Time to read…Icha Icha Paradise! Wooooo!" Kakashi smiled.

During the one week "_Jiraiya tantrum_", something is brewing at the Uchiha mansion…

"Bwahahahaha! Victory is mine you crazy brother! I have destroyed all of those cassette players! All one hundred of them! Now too find the one of you singing in the shower! To the '_record_' room!" Sasuke shrieked with excitement.

He quickly ran to his room. Jumped on a loose floor board. Then pushed his bookcase aside. He jumped on the loose floor board because it connected to a really heavy board behind the bookcase. There is now a space big enough for Sasuke to crawl through. He crawled into the place and went searching right away. There was a book on this table in the "_record_" room. It read : "_My boy obsessions from the start of the Academy year._" Another bookcase filled with **_all_** of the Icha Icha Paradise volumes. And other adult books. Beside that bookcase is a shelf with books on each and every single boy and _men_ in Konohagakure and Sunagakure! (A/N: He like's boys and _men_ from those countries the most…o.O Sasuke is such a gay pervert!.)

"God damn it! Where is that fucking cassette? Maybe it's in my '_latest_ _boy obsession_' shrine! To the shrine!"

Sasuke rushed to the other side of the room. And searched the alter. It had a picture of Naruto on it! Sasuke's latest obsession! He had finally found it! The cassette!

"Bwahahahaha! Now to make duplications of it! Yatta!" Sasuke smiled.

The week after Jiraiya's tantrum…

".:whimper:. Sorry nack. Sorry nack," the scissor apologized.

.:click:.

Jiraiya had now put the leash on the scissor of doom. And locked the thing in a closet.

.:ding dong:.

"Huh? Itachi, someone is at the door I think." Kakashi mumbled.

Itachi walked to the door and opened it. Strangely, no one was there. But there was a cassette taped onto the front door. Along with a note.

"_Hello brother, I've sent this cassette to everyone in the village! It's of you singing. And Naruto singing. I think everyone should hear your lovely voice Naruto. And you horrid one, Itachi._" the note read.

"Oh fuck," was al what Naruto could think of.

"Just hope he hasn't sent them yet!" Kakashi grinned, but it was ruined by his mask.

"Me and the scissor have made a peace treaty! We are now friends!" Jiraiya laughed with the scissor.

.:ding dong knock knock:.

"Who is it?" Itachi yelled, before he opened the door.

"Oh my god! There he is! NA-RU-TO! We love you!" yelled the crazy fan girls…and boys.

"Holy shit! What the fuck!" Naruto dreaded!

"Itachi! You suck! And we use to think you were dead sexy! Your voice is so…so…so bad!" a fan girl insulted!

"That's okay Itachi. You want to read Icha Icha Paradise," questioned the scarecrow (scarecrow Kakashi's name translation). Itachi shakes his head. "You want me to think of a plan to destroy or humiliate Sasuke?" Itachi nodded. "Good boy! .:smiles: Here's a cookie! .:Itachi eats cookie:."

Kakashi turned to Jiraiya, who was talking to the scissor. He had an idea now! But it was very risky! They could die during it!

"Hey Jiraiya, do you think the scissor could help us? .:Naruto runs and screams in the background in chibi form with a whole bunch of chibi fan girls behind him:. We'll sneak into Sasuke's mansion and destroy all the things he has on us. So he can't blackmail us! Or humiliate us!" Kakashi explained in his I-know-what-I'm-doing voice.

Naruto ran between the two adults when a fan girl yelled," NA-RU-TO! I love you! Let me bear your child or children! Naruto! Come back!"

"There's only one way to make those scary girls go! I have to use…my '_Kakashi charm no jutsu_'!" Kakashi yelled.

Kakashi ran in front of the girls and pulled his mask down. His face looked so handsome! His jaw line was….:wacks:….get off me Kakashi! I have to describe how you look like to the readers! (A/N: Kakashi attacked me! T.T) Lets just skip it. Happy Kakashi?

The girls were so shocked. Kakashi never took his mask down in front of a crowd. The Naruto fan girls squealed in delight and fainted. Most just fell unconscious by his beauty.

"Come on! We need to get to the Uchiha mansion! Fast! Before these girls wake up. Come on Itachi!" Kakashi ordered as he pulled his mask up.

––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––-

Shin-Hana: Okay! That's the 6th chappie. Only three more to go!


	7. Plans: Scissor of Doom! part 2

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto. So sad. If I did, everyone might be on crack. Heh heh.

Shin-Hana: Sorry for all the delays in uploading this chappie. Had too many things to do. French project, science project (worth all marks for my last term), tons of homework, track and field, and a lot of random things I'm still not sure about. So sorry.

– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –

"You still got the key Itachi?" Naruto whispered.

"Yeah."

"Then open the god damn room!" Kakashi roared impatiently.

"Okay. Okay."

.:click:.

"Oh-Oh my god! You were right Itachi! He does have pictures of me all over his walls! Tasukete! I'm being stocked .:stares at picture of him sleeping:. By a gay pervert!" Naruto groaned in shock.

(Tasukete Help)

"I'm so proud of him! At least he found a way to practice his stealth skills!" Kakashi beamed proudly…almost like Gai-sensei.

.:twitch:.

".:death glare:. Why you stupid scarecrow! I outta pound you to mush!" Naruto hissed like a snake that Orochimaru sat on.

"You two! Stop it right now! Sasuke wouldn't hide things in his room! So he must have a _secret_ place to hide them! Think!" Itachi demanded.

.:push:.

Naruto pushed Kakashi and the man fell on the floor. On a loose floor board. A loud thud was heard. Something had hit the ceiling. Something behind Sasuke's bookcase. Itachi looked at the loose floor board. It was different from the rest of the floor boards. It was longer and stretched all the way under the bookcase.

'_I wonder…_' Itachi thought curiously.

"Kakashi get your ass up. Jiraiya and Naruto, help me move this bookcase."

"Nack? Nack?" the scissor…nack-ed.

"Don't worry!" Jiraiya reassured the scissor.

.:creak:.

Kakashi, Naruto, Itachi, Jiraiya, and the scissor were shocked! Behind the bookcase, under a the board. Was a huge room! The five of them went in. Immediately, Kakashi saw the bookcase dedicated to the Icha Icha Paradise volumes! Along with other adult books! Naruto was astonished when he saw the book had! "_My boy obessesions from the start of the Academy_," Naruto read aloud.

Itachi jumped when he found Sasuke's _latest boy obessesions_ shrine. The reaction was priceless! Jiraiya looked around and was surprised by this. Jiraiya was actually happy, not surprised! Mostly when he found Sasuke's shelf with books on all the men in Konohagakure and Sunagakure!

"He makes an old pervert proud! This boy would do quite well as my assistant writer!" Jiraiya mused.

Everyone turned around and stared at Jiraiya. Naruto got pissed off and ran after the sannin yelling like a mad bull if they could talk," E-RO-SEN-NIN! You perverted ass! I'll kill you once I catch you!"

"Grr! Nack! Don't nack touch grr my nack friend grr nack!" the scissor growled when Naruto caught up to Jiraiya and began pounding him to a plup.

"S-Sorry scissor! .:mumbles to Jiraiya:. I'll get you in your sleep! Watch!"

"Jiraiya, lets put the plan to action!" Kakashi grinned.

"Scissor, it's time! Go! Cut everything up!" Jiraiya commanded.

"Nack Nack."

The scissor of doom cutted everything in the perverted room. He shredded the books into bits. Except for the Icha Icha Paradise books and other adult books, because Kakashi was protecting them. He was planning on stealing them any ways. So the scissor backed off and went to destroy the shrine.

"Now for the last part of this destroy plan. Scissor, you must stay here. After wrecking everything in the house. You may return or have your freedom." Jiraiya sobbed.

"Nack I'll grr miss you nack!" the scissor also sobbed.

The four shinobis left the scissor alone to destroy everything. They waited outside the mansion in the same place like last time. They wanted to see Sasuke's reaction. Sasuke finally came home.

.:click from key:.

'Ahhh! My house! Oh no! The '_record_' room! Please don't be wreaked! Oh please! .:walks in:. What the fuck! It's so dark! .:turns lights on:. Noooo! My shrine! My boy obsessions book! My adult books! Noo! At least it can't get worse than this. Right?" wept Sasuke.

"Nack Nack."

"What the…ahhhhhhhhhh! Oh my kami-sama! It's a talking scissor!"

The scissor went after Sasuke and tried to cut him. Sasuke ran outside and locked the door. Once outside he used the fire jutsu. And…he burned his house down. The house caught fire quickly. Sadly for Sasuke, the flames went out of control and erupted into a huge fire ball. Thus burning Sasuke along with the house. The burns weren't that bad though. He was a shinobi of course. Strangely, it began to rain. So the house/mansion thingy was put out. All that was left was ashes and melted meal. Which was the scissor (melted metal). Jiraiya was pissed and so so so so so…sad at the moment that he acted without thinking.

He jumped out and yelled with unspeakable fury," How dare you kill my friend! I'll have you know that I'm the great Ero-Sennin! I mean Jiraiya! You shall face my wraith!"

.:Itachi pulls Jiraiya's hair to stop him:.

"We should run right?" Naruto panicked.

"Not yet. You need to wait a least five seconds. It's a fanfic thing along with anime. Wait for it. Wait for it. Now!" Kakashi ran for his dear life.

It was an anime chibi chase scene! Sasuke ran after the four like mad! He had flames all around him! Itachi ran while pulling the crying Jiraiya's hair. Kakashi ran while holding the adult books he stole. And Naruto tried to catch up to them. (A/N: Run Naruto Run!) "I'll get you four!" cried the flaming Sasuke chibi. They ran for ten nights and ten days.

.:stops running:.

"Lets take a break, then continue the chase scene." panted Itachi and Kakashi.

"Yeah," agreed the rest. Including Sasuke.

And the chase scene started again. This time with Itachi leading the way. Itaci ran to the headquarters of the "_Sasuke fan club_" And today, in the club, there was a Sasuke Con!

.:doors open:.

"Oh my gosh! It's Sasuke! Get 'em girls!" a crazed fangirl yelled!

"Ahh! I love you Sasuke-kun!" the rest cried.

"Oh fuck!" Sasuke cursed.

The girls stomped over Itachi, Jiraiya, Kakashi, and Naruto. And rushed Sasuke! A lot of the girls jumped him. Naruto quickly got up and hauled the others up and they all started to run!

"Wait! I need to gather _research_!" Jiraiya begged!

"ECCHI! (Pervert)," the others yelled.

"Screw it! Lets hurry before Sasuke escapes the horde of girls." Naruto yelled with effort because he was out of breath.

Itachi pulled Jiraiya's ear and dragged the old man away. Itachi, Kakashi, Naruto, and Jiraiya finally got back to the kitsune's apartment. "I don't think I have enough energy to go home. So can I stay the night?" Jiraiya asked.

"Me too! Me too!" Kakashi added.

"Um. Okay." the kitsune boy replied.

"God! Kakashi-sensei! You snore too much! More than me!" Naruto complained.

"Ahhhhhhhhhhhh!" Itachi yelled like a wuss.

"What?" Jiraiya scratched.

Naruto also turned around and screamed. Jiraiya looked like a mess!

"Oh? This? I stayed up all night trying to shut Kakashi up! From all the snoring!"

"Oh. Okay. Go put some make-up on to cover all that…ugliness."

"Kakashi, help Jiraiya. While me and Naruto figure out the last part to this plan," Itachi yawned.

––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––-

Shin-Hana: That's the 7th chappie. Now you can all go read my oneshot. Too lazy. I'll try to upload the next chappie in two weeks or so. Or maybe sooner! .:winks:.

Gaara: .:sing-song voice:. Me want cookie, you want cookie, we want cookie…now! I love cookie, you love cookie, we love cookie…yeah! .:starts repeating:.

Shin-Hana: Shutup! Kami-sama!

Gaara: .:goes and cries:.

Shin-Hana: Ha! The cookies are mine now!


	8. Plans: Sasuke Dead or Alive?

Shin-Hana: Ahhh. One more chappie then this fic is done! I got about two more ideas, another long fanfic, and an ItaXIru one. But too lazy right now. I don't like typing it then uploading, I prefer to write it in a book then type. So this'll take longer. T.T

Shikamaru: I taught you well… .:smiles a lazy smile:.

Shin-Hana: Yup. On with the fic!

Disclaimer: Can't I just write a disclaimer for the whole fanfic at the beginning? Instead of it for each chappie?

––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––

"I'll do the other parts of the plan. But I don't think I should _kill_ the boy." Kakashi commented after Itachi explained the plan.

"Yeah, he's pervy but he is a Konohagakure shinobi." Jiraiya added.

.:flush:. .:click:.

"So, Itachi, you gonna tell me what this plan of yours is?" Naruto grinned a sleepy grin.

"You take a long time in the washroom. Don't you." the others sighed.

"G-Gomen."

"Okay. We'll kill him with my latest way of killing! Number three hundred and six! Tickling Sasuke then kill him when he's weak! Mwuhahahahaha!" Itachi…_muhaha-ed_.

"What will we need for this '_mission_'?" Naruto questioned gleefully.

"Yes, the equipment. Kakashi?" Itachi demanded in a strange loving manner.

"Taada! Big ass feathers, laughing gas the dentists use, and Jiraiya's baby photos!"

.:bang:.

"Stop it you two! .:pulls Jiraiya off of Kakashi:. Lets get started! Naruto, get my kunais and shurikens! And my…whacking stick! So I can make sure Sasuke is dead! Mwuhahahahaha!"

Off they went! Kakashi with Jiraiya's baby photos, Naruto with the laughing gas, Jiraiya with the big ass feathers, and Itachi with the weapons! And he'll tickle Sasuke with his the old fashion way…with your hands!

_Sasuke's house_

"Finally! Everything is kind of back to normal. Well, this time, I've designed the place almost like a maze. Filled with Naruto's pictures! I feel so happy! And very gay! Gay pride!" Sasuke smirked.

.:door bell rings:.

".:girly voice:. I'm coming!"

.:click:.

"Get 'em!" ordered Itachi.

Kakashi jumped Sasuke and straddled the young boy's back like a pony! Or horsie! Sasuke started galomping like a pony around his living room that has tons of doors leading in weird ways!

"Get off me! Get off!"

"Wee hee hee!"

"Kakashi! The pictures!" Itachi ordered.

"Riiight! .:puts the pictures in front of Sasuke's face:."

"Ahhahahahaha!" laughed Sasuke.

"Oooo! Oooo! My turn! Feather time! Yeah!" Jiraiya screamed.

"Me toooooo! Oooooo!" Naruto laughed as he ran around Sasuke, Kakashi, and Jiraiya with the laughing gas!

"Tickle time!" Itachi squealed with such child ness delight!

Sasuke couldn't take it anymore! Too much tickling! And he couldn't breath anymore. So he passed out. No more laughter was heard by the young Uchiha prodigy. Naruto stopped the laughing gas can, Jiraiya stopped the feather attacks, and Kakashi dropped to the floor he took in too much laughing gas and one of Jiraiya's baby photos was in front of his face (it was glued to his face, really, the photo was of Jiraiya crying after he mad a big poopie!).

"Mee hee hee! .:bonk:." Naruto whacked the laughing Kakashi to make him shutup.

"Okay. I think you guys should come back in fifth teen minutes. It's time for Sasuke's…_end_. And you guys didn't want to have anything to do with this. So…go!" Itachi shoo-ed.

"Oh 'kaaaaaay!" laughed Kakashi.

.:bonk:.

"Shutup you laughing ecchi!" Naruto and Jiraiya…bonked Kakashi on his head.

ecchi pervert

"Owie! Just just…owie!"

"Bye Itachi!" waved Naruto.

"Seeya later!"

.:walks out the door:.

"Hahaha! Revenge is mine! Kunais. Check. Shurikens. Check. Sasuke. Check. Gloves. Check. Whacking stick. Check. Kill time! Yeah!" Itachi laughed blissfully.

Itachi whacked Sasuke until the boy's head bled then pinned Sasuke up on his new _pink_ walls with the kunais. Itachi put on a blind fold and began throwing the shurikens. Then throwing the rest of the kunais. He took the cold body down and began dancing around it. Then bouncing on top of it like a child popping bubble wrap with their feet.

"Wee hee hee! One more thing of my revenge! Paint a picture with Sasuke's blood, limbs, and whatever is inside of him Yay!"

Fifth teen minutes later…

"I-Itachi-san? Are you still here? I-Itachi?" Kakashi stutters.

"Itachi! Where are you?" yelled the blond loud mouth.

"Naruto! You're so loud! I'm trying to remember all the data I collected!" the hermit yelled back.

"Look what I made! Look! Look!" Itachi laughed in a childish way.

Itachi had manage to paint the Mona Lisa with Sasuke's corpse! And it looked great! You just gotta love painting by Itachi!

"So. Is Sasuke dead or alive?" Naruto questioned dumbfoldedly.

".:whacks Naruto on his head:. No duh he's dead!" the others yelled in the kitsune's ear.

"So what are we going to do with the body?" Jiraiya started.

"Dump it in the forest!" Kakashi pointed out!

"Tsunade-baachan said if I put another dead body in the forest, she'll put me in the forest! Dead!" Itachi explained.

"So, wait. You put dead bodies in the forest before?" Naruto puzzled.

"Uh, sort of. I was training and panicked when I heard something. So I killed it. It was these women from the water village. Then I threw their bodies in the forest."

"What's wrong with you! Why would you kill women!" Kakashi and Jiraiya fumed with total anger and yelled like mad killers in unison!

"I didn't know!" Itachi cried in a chibi form behind Naruto.

"Okay…now, on to more pressing matters. What about the body and all that blood?" Naruto squinted.

"We could leave it there. And you guys can go live like nothing happened. And I can finally get my inheritance . Not Sasuke. Me! It was ment for me any ways. Sasuke _stole_ it! And I can have freedom! At last!"

"Or we can just call…_Gaara_. To clean it up." Naruto noted.

"That'd work. Okay. Call him." Kakashi yawned.

"Gaara! Blood!" Naruto yelled.

.:poof:. .:slip:. .:poof:.

"Damn, that was fast!" everyone besides Naruto muttered.

"Yup."

–––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––-

Shin-Hana: That's chappie 8 for you. Supposedly, this fic was only suppose to have 8 chappies, but I decided to extend the fic. One more chappie to go! And school is finally out for me! So I'll try to upload a lot of fanfics and chappies during my summer vacation!


	9. Freedom! Haunted!

Shin-Hana: This is it, the last chappie. I'll try to upload a few more stories with chapters. But for now, I think I shall celebrate! Because it's been three months and I've finally finished my friends b-day gift. Sorry about that .:sweat drops:.

Disclaimer: Ahh, my last disclaimer for this story. Sadly I still have to write them. T.T

–––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––

One month from this incident, Itachi built a new mansion, lived a fairly normal ninja life (fairly normal because Sasuke's fan girls and guys now like Itachi) , and his own gennin squad to train. Life was good for the last Uchiha survivor.

_Wherever Sasuke is now_

"Shoots! I died! Oh wait! Where am I? Everything is so white! And I have fluffy wings? Dude, I'm in heaven!" Sasuke flapped.

He had just arrived in heaven because he kind of got lost along the way.

"You are not quite in heaven yet. You are still restless and unhappy. Go make your wish come true." a voice said softly.

"Umm. Sure."

Sasuke was hurled back to Earth. First things first. What did he have to full fill? Ah yes, he still had to tell Naruto he loved him. And get revenge on his nii-san.

Nii-san older brother

"I feel so happy! And yaoi! Oh, life is good now. I wonder if I could be Naruto's guardian angel? Hmm." Sasuke pondered aimlessly.

_To wherever Naruto is_

"Mmm! Sankfou Iruka-sensei! Sankfou!" Naruto thanked Iruka for the ramen.

"Ummm uh. Ahhhhhhhh!" screamed Iruka.

Sasuke had scared Iruka and the man is now running for dear life to Kakashi. Naruto still hadn't notice. He was too busy eating his ramen. When Sasuke tapped him on his shoulders, Naruto freaked and threw the ramen onto the Sasuke angel/ghost.

"Oh my god! You're here to tell me I'm going to die soon! Noo!" Naruto shouted sadly.

"Usuratonikachi! I just wanted to tell you, that-that-that I…LOVE YOU!" Sasuke's angel/ghost yelled at the top of its dead lungs.

Usuratonikachi total moron/moron.

"Ummm. That's nice. But I-I got to go now bye." Naruto sweat dropped while running away like Iruka.

"Okay my love! I'll see you in the after life baby!" Sasuke waved while blowing Naruto a kiss and winking seductively. Then fluttered off in search of…_Itachi_.

It took Sasuke a while to find Itachi because Itachi lives very close to the forest. Not in the village anymore. He reasons? You'd never know.

"Mwee!" Itachi laughed while swimming in his new pool.

Itachi got out and sat on the edge of the pool and enjoyed the cool summer breeze.

"BOO!"

.:splash:.

"What the hell! Who dares push me face first into _my _ pool?" questioned the angry Itachi.

"I do," replied a voice.

Itachi turned around and was shocked! He died on the spot after seeing Sasuke. Again! Sadly for him, Itachi was also going to heaven. With his brother. Heaven wasn't a really "_peaceful_" place no more. The constant bickering of the two brothers got God so mad he/she sent both of them to the "_Guardian Angels_" Academy. So they could be separated once they graduated the Academy.

_after graduation_

"Hi Kakashi-sensei!" Naruto waved gleefully.

"Yo!" Kakashi replied.

"Sasuke…"

"Itachi…"

"Huh?" Kakashi and Naruto huh-ed.

"I see we meet again. Dear brother whom I love dearly…"Itachi howled.

"Indeed!" Sasuke agreed.

"Riiight! They hate each other." Kakashi mumbled.

"Well, seeya." Naruto waved merrily.

.:walk walk walk:.

"So, Itachi-san, did you full fill your dream?" Kakashi asked cheerfully.

"Do I look happy! Nooo! My dream was shattered!"

_Meanwhile…_

"Sasuke…stop it. I SAID S-T-O-P! STOP!" Naruto screaked.

"But I love you!"

"Why'd _you_ have to be _my_ guardian angel! Why!" cried Naruto.

"You can't do anything you know. We're now…_bonded_! .:holds up a magical rope/chain thingy:."

"Oh screw!"

_Back to Kakashi…_

"Okay! Okay! I get it! Just shutup and lets go get some ice cream." Kakashi offered.

"ICE CREAM!" bounced Itachi.

Kakashi and Itachi got some ice cream and enjoyed the day. While Naruto tried all means of getting the "_bond_" off him. He even tried to suicide. Didn't work though. And they all lived a half peaceful life. Except one…Jiraiya.

"Oh my scissor friend! I miss you!" wept Jiraiya.

–––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––-

Shin-Hana: Oh yea! Finally done! Kakashi-san, what flavor was the ice cream?

Kakashi: Cookies and Cream…

Gaara: .:comes out of no where:. Cookies and cream ice cream? Where! Gimme!"

.:everyone runs from the hyper Gaara:.

Gaara: Ne? Where'd everybody go? .:looks around:.


End file.
